We too will focus neither on figures nor data in this article. Our purpose is simply to talk about the phenomenon of premature ejaculation, which, despite its widespread occurrence, is still only partially understood, at least among lay people.
So what exactly is premature ejaculation? In basic terms, it is a condition in which, during sexual intercourse, a man is unable to delay ejaculation till such time as he or his partner wants. In still more basic terms, this means a man involuntarily ejaculates before he wants to. More problematic still, some men ejaculate as early as during foreplay while some do so at the time of entry.
All of this, you would agree, makes for an immensely awkward situation. And the condition is embarrassing enough for many men to keep silent about it for fear of public ridicule. However, the private humiliation still exists, and premature ejaculation is one of the commonest reasons for disharmony in a couple's sexual life.
Robyn Donahue of Arlington, Virginia left her boyfriend Greg once their arguments about his tendency towards premature ejaculation reached boiling point. "Instead of acknowledging he had a problem and going to see a specialist about it, Greg would simply act like he was some kind of victim and pretend the entire world was at fault," says Robyn. "He felt he had a temporary disorder which I was not treating with enough sympathy."
Know what, Robyn? Greg may have got it partly right without realizing as much, because it has often been theorized that the roots of premature ejaculation lie in a man's psychology rather than in his physiology.
Simply put, premature ejaculation may be a relative concept, depending on what a couple feels is premature. For some, 10 minutes for a man to reach orgasm may seem too little, while others may be happy with seven.
For instance, if a man is nervous during his first sexual experience and ejaculates too soon, he may develop the problem in the long term and continue to reach orgasm too early for future sexual encounters as well. This may also happen with men who have not had sex for a long time, or those who have had relatively few sexual experiences in their lives.
Going back to what Robyn told us, Greg's inability to hold back, as it were, may have been caused by needless apprehension about his sexual performance, owing to an unfortunate experience he had quite a few years ago with an older woman. "He was always unsure about his ability to satisfy a woman, which is why I wanted him to seek counseling. I wanted him to see that he didn't really have a problem at all," says Robyn.
Everyday pressures like worries over his job, his financial situation, and his seeming inability to handle a relationship may also cause premature ejaculation in a man.
That is not to say that premature ejaculation is a psychological problem only. There are physiological causes like the inflammation of the prostate gland or a dysfunctional spinal chord that can also bring about premature ejaculation.
Once you acknowledge that you have a problem, one of the best ways to overcome premature ejaculation is to seek help from a psychotherapist, to ensure you never blame yourself for the problem. Another necessity is to be completely honest with your partner about it, to avoid embarrassment of any kind.